A Lot of Fight Left In Me

So I know it's been a while since I posted, and even longer since I've created something new. However, I finally got inspiration that just wouldn't go away and had the means and opportunity to act on it.

I know this is sort of poppish song, but that just meant I kept hearing it on the radio over and over. Every time I listened, the characters in Pacific Rim would come into my mind. Not all fights are physical, or against giant otherworldly creatures like they faced in the move. Sometimes it's pain from our past that we must fight, other times it's aspects of ourselves that would tear us down if unopposed. Not all conflict is a bad thing. Sometimes people fear confrontation. As someone that suffers from anxiety now, I can understand why. But sometimes it needs to happen. It's still a form of communication. It says something about our needs, and sometimes we're only heard if we take that step and fight for what we need or want. Like Raleigh said before his sparring with Mako, it's not just a fight, it's a dialogue. 

Anyway I hope you enjoy. I had a lot of fun putting it together. And it was a nice exercise in editting action. 

  

Congratulations?

As some of you may or may not be aware, I'm in the middle of getting a divorce. I've been separated for three years now, and I suspect many thought I already was divorced. There's a variety of reasons I found it difficult to just jump into getting my divorce done right away. But that's not what I'm here to talk about today.

As of a couple of weeks ago papers were signed, witnessed by a notary, and sent to my lawyer for filing. I'm waiting for confirmation any day now that the judge has signed the final judgement and I am a legally single person again.

I have told some people and gotten slightly varied reactions. They have been largely positive with some expressing relief that things are progressing smoothly while others have congratulated me.

While I understand the spirit with which congratulations are being given, after time and reflection I find it an odd thing to say under the circumstances.

I understand things got bad at the end, and it is a relief to be out of the situation I was in. No one knows better than I, who lived through it. However that doesn't change the fact that once upon a time, this person was my best friend and someone that made me happy. It doesn't change the fact that divorce signifies the end of what used to be the closest relationship possible between two people.

I'll be relieved when it's done. I don't regret my decision. It needed to be made. I'm finally ready to let go of the past, although being ready to fully move on may be a long time in coming. I understand in a situation like mine it's hard to know what to say, but I wish that people understood that despite everything, I'm not happy that it came to this.

New Series: Who Did It Best [WDIB]: You're Beautiful

So I've decided to start a new series in my blog. Most of us are likely familiar with shows such as The Office which originated in the UK, but have been adapted for American audiences. Similarly I've noticed that often if there is a popular manga or drama that's created in one country, others will eventually follow with their own versions. In this new series "Who did it best?" I'll look at each of the shows and offer my opinions on ultimately who created the best version.

Naturally it's difficult to discuss this topic without getting into some spoilers. If this bothers you or you'd prefer to remain unspoiled then I would turn back now, or you can feel free to skip ahead to the end where I make my final judgement.

There are several shows I could have chosen from, but I'm going to start with one of my favorites.

Plot Synopsis

You're Beautiful in all its iterations follows the story of a young woman who is reluctantly pulled into helping out her twin brother, by temporarily taking his place in the band A.N.Jell. In addition to helping her brother get his big break, her hope is that new found stardom may lead to a reunion with her birth mother. 

She is welcomed warmly by all the band members with the exception of the lead singer. He is irritated by her clumsiness, but grudgingly accepts her into the band due to her talent. He soon discovers her secret however and must choose between helping her continue and revealing her true identity.

For future reference You're Beautiful is Korea's version and the original, Ikemen desu ne is Japan's contribution, and Taiwan's Fabulous Boys just finished airing.    

Characters

(Please note: For the sake of simplicity, I will refer to the characters by their original Korean names unless I am comparing or contrasting the different versions. Then I will use whichever names are applicable.)

        Go Mi Nyu/Go Mi Nam                                Miko/Mio                           Gao Mei Nu/Gao Mei Nan

Go Mi Nyu is the main character. She and her brother, Go Mi Nam, were orphaned at a young age. He has pursued a career in music, and she is in training to become a nun. She is also musically talented and when the need arises, she is able to take his place in the band. Though the lead singer is cold and antagonistic towards her in the beginning, she eventually begins to fall for him. She tends to be clumsy and a bit slow witted at times, however she is loyal and has strong determination. 

My pick: Tie between Go Mi Nyu & Gao Mei Nu

I feel like each version brought something likable to the character. While I enjoyed watching Cheng Yu Xi's Gao Mei Nu, I think Korea's Park Shin Hye made the most convincing boy out of all three. While Takimoto Miori did a fine job as Miko, I think my impression of her suffered due to the inconsistent tone of the show. Most Asian dramas tend to mix a bit of the ridiculous in with the drama for comic effect. However in the Korean and Taiwanese versions it seemed like there was more of a separation of the silly and the serious. Miko sometimes felt more like a caricature of the person she was supposed to be. 

            Hwang Tae Kyung                                  Ren                                  Huang Tai Jing     

Tae Kyung is the lead singer of A.N.Jell. He is a talented musician and songwriter. He is extremely popular with his fans, however in his personal life  he tends to be short-tempered and cold toward others. He is the second member of the band to realize Mi Nyu's secret. Although he originally wanted her kicked out of the band, he ends up helping her out of bad situations, and he eventually comes to accept her. He is intelligent and generally perceptive, except when it comes to relationships and his own feelings. 

My pick: Tie between Hwang Tae Kyung and Huang Tai Jing

But Ren is too pretty to not be chosen! (j/k) This was one of the hardest for me to decide honestly. Tae Kyung is the original, and Jang Geun Suk was amazing. I remember the first time I watched it, feeling exactly like Mi Nyu the first time we see him really smile. I was sort of blown away at how he could be so sour one moment and then he had this smile that just transformed him completely. Jiro Wang as Huang Tai Jing managed to actually one-up Tae Kyung in a few areas, however there were a few changes to his characterization that I didn't like. Tae Kyung could be occasionally aggressive, and though he was very cold to people around him, but in reality he really cared about his band mates. Tai Jing on the other hand was perhaps less petulant than Tae Kyung, but he was even more petty when handling his jealousy, and tended to be slightly more aggressive than Tae Kyung. 

Kang Shin Woo                                Shu                                     Jiang Xin Yu

Shin Woo is actually the first band member to realize Mi Nam's secret, though chooses to keep his discovery from her. He is warm and caring and quickly becomes interested in Mi Nam, however timing is never really in his favor and arguably his lack of openness likely contributes to his feelings going unrequited. His friendship with her however does lead to certain misunderstandings among others in the band. 

My pick: Kang Shin Woo

In this case I have to give props to Jung Yong Hwa. You're Beautiful was his first drama and he did a great job as second male lead. While the Taiwanese version found creative ways to give Xin Yu and Mei Nu more time together, and I really enjoyed watching Hwang In Deok play him, I still find myself leaning toward the original. 

Jeremy                                      Yuki                                         Jeremy

Jeremy is A.N.Jell's drummer and the youngest member of the band. He is cheerful, energetic, and playful. When Mi Nam joins he immediately senses that something is different about her, but he is the last to find out the truth about Mi Nam. Although he initially bullies her a bit, they do become friends and he is quick to be there for her to cheer her up. He develops a crush on her as well, especially once the issue of her gender is cleared up, but he is saddened to discover that Tae Kyung is who she loves. 

My pick: Jeremy (Lee Hong Ki) 

Just for clarity I'm referring to the original Jeremy. In addition to him being played adorably by Hong Ki, I really enjoyed his version of Jeremy's personality the most. The Taiwanese Jeremy was very close and I liked him a lot, but in this case I have to go with the original. Yuki again suffers from not carrying a lot of dramatic weight. In both the Taiwanese and Korean, even though you know he stands no chance at winning the girl, it still feels sad when he finds out the truth. With Yuki I felt...nothing. 

Yoo He Yi                                   Nana                                   Liu Xin Ning

Yoo He Yi is a much loved celebrity who is considered the "National fairy." To most she projects a sweet and kind demeanor, but that's an act. She sets her sights on Tae Kyung, but he quickly sees through her lies and rebuffs her attention. She's highly manipulative however and manages to uncover the truth about Mi Nyu. She uses this information to force Tae Kyung to cooperate with her demands, or else. 

My pick: Nana

So we're finally getting to the "bad guys" of this drama. While I would normally go with the character that I felt happiest with I'm going to go with the one that I hated most. In this case the nastiest of these three, in my opinion, would have to be Nana, played by Kojima Haruna. It was very close to being a three way tie, because in all honesty, all three of these ladies do a great job. However when I think about You're Beautiful one of the thing that draws me to it is that ultimately, none of the characters are evil people. Yes there are people that are manipulative, and do bad things, and cause angst and trouble, but in the end everyone manages to forgive and move on. The first time I remembered watching Ikemen desu ne, I took an intense dislike to Nana because unlike He Yi, she felt more malicious. 

Mo Hwa Ran                                Mizusawa Reiko                              Mu Hua Lan

Mo Hwa Ran is an aging singer looking to reignite her career. She is secretly Tae Kyung's mother, though she has never acknowledged him as her son. She blames his existence for the loss of her one true love and while she has made efforts to see him over the years, for the most part she has been cold and neglectful. When she reappears in his life as an adult her agenda is to take advantage of his fame now that her own has started to wane. She holds many secrets, including the truth of who Go Mi Nam and Mi Nyu's real mother was. 

My pick: Three way tie

Honestly each of the actresses who played this role did great. Mo Hwa Ran's indifference and manipulative side made me want to cry right along with Tae Kyung. And I was equally touched by the reconciliation between Ren and Reiko as well as Hua Lan and Tai Jing, as she urged him not to repeat her mistakes. In the case of this character I simply could not pick one over the other. 

Music

In a show like this, I think it's natural to expect that music will play a fairly large role. A few songs from the original are used in both the Japanese and Taiwanese versions, although they have been changed lyrically for their respective languages. Both the Korean and Taiwanese versions had great music in my opinion. In Ikemen desu ne my biggest complaint would have to be the fact that they used so much music from the original, but the one song that in my opinion, *really* mattered, they changed. One of the things I love most about the Korean version is the final song that Tae Kyung sings to tell Mi Nyu how he feels and to ask her to stay. The Taiwanese also used a different song, but they still managed to end strong. 

If you really enjoy watching these shows for the music however, You're Beautiful is still the best. 

                             

Pacing

This is an important issue when comparing these three dramas. You're Beautiful consists of 16 episodes. Ikemen desu ne lasts only 11 episodes, while Fabulous Boys lands in between with 13 episodes. In addition to being a bit off tonally, pacing is one of the biggest things the Japanese version has going against it, in my opinion. 

Since Ikemen desu ne is only two-thirds the length of You're Beautiful quite a bit was cut in terms of content, and what was left over was still rushed through. For instance in both You're Beautiful and Fabulous Boys it isn't until the 8th and 9th episodes that Tae Kyung makes the pig-rabbit stuffy as a gift for Mi Nyu. In Ikemen desu ne Ren makes it for her by the 5th episode. In the 5th episode of the other two dramas, they are still just developing their relationship and starting to get closer. 

You're Beautiful and Fabulous Boys both are able to take their time and show the relationships develop. It almost seemed with Ikemen desu ne that there was an assumption that most of the viewers already knew who would end up together, so less time was needed to show them arriving at that point. For me however, I feel as if Ren is such a strong and contrary personality, that time is needed to show *why* he would change and let Miko get closer to him. Likewise the rushed pace made it difficult for me to see why Yuki or Shu would feel particularly attached to Miko.

Fabulous Boys also suffers toward the end from pacing difficulties. It follows You're Beautiful in terms of pacing for the majority of the episodes, however the last three feel rushed. For instance we never see the last straw which finally leads to Tai Jing breaking things off with Xin Ning for good. But I still find it a fairly good middle ground between You're Beautiful and Ikemen desu ne in terms of length.

While You're Beautiful is the longest of the three, and that can sometimes make it feel slow, it does give the fullest version of the story. 

Faithfulness to Source Material

In many cases the source material for dramas comes from manga or books or movies that have come before. In this particular instance Korea was the first to create this drama, so You're Beautiful *is* the source material. 

Ikemen desu ne is probably the least faithful, simply because so much has to be cut and altered for time. There are certain scenes which are tied to the story of You're Beautiful and exist in all three versions. Other scenes however have been changed, or omitted. To an extent I find that altering the original can be a good thing. Some scenes in the original were a tad ridiculous, and so if improvement could be made on them, then that's a good thing. Additionally some scenes were perfect in the original and when an attempt is made to copy them exactly, the copy falls flat. 

In terms of capturing the feel of the original and being the most faithful to source material, I'm going to have to say that Fabulous Boys does the best job.

Final Thoughts

I guess like most decisions this boils down to what are you hoping to get out of it. In over-all total package the original You're Beautiful still has it all. Fabulous Boys does an excellent job of covering the story, and even manages to handle many of the romantic elements better than either of the other versions, additionally it is the only version to give a satisfactory reunion between Mi Nam and Mi Nyu. But if you want a cliff-notes version of the story however, then Ikemen desu ne would be the pick for you. 

I've found now, after watching several different dramas, and several different versions of each drama, that quite often the first version sets the bar. The second usually manages to fall short because all too often comparisons (fair or otherwise) are drawn between the remake and the original. But the third gets the benefit of drawing from its predecessors to find a happy medium. 

First Place: You're Beautiful

Second Place: Fabulous Boys (VERY close to a tie)

Third Place: Ikemen desu ne

If any of you have seen any of these versions and would like to share your thoughts, I'd love to hear what you think! ^_^

  

Possibly vs. Definitely

Okay I lied, this isn't going to be fun exactly. But wait! I promise it won't be traumatic or angst ridden. This is simply a funny observation I had this morning that I thought I would share.

This morning I woke up feeling kind of blah. Yesterday I'd felt my lip getting a bit numb but hoped it was just one of those freakish things that would go away. Alas it didn't, and I came to realize this morning, the day before our Special Assembly Day, that I had a cold sore forming. I'll spare details except to say it wasn't going to be one of those cute dainty ones that likes to hide inside your mouth where no one can really see it. Oh no, front and center, top lip. So I did like any 30-year old woman would do. I ran to my mother. Naturally she had something for that and went to her room to get it. She brought out a small tube of topical Lysine.

We were discussing what had caused the cold sore and at some point she said that my system was out of whack. I said that was a possibility. She immediately contradicted me and said that no my system was "definitely" out of whack. Y'know, in that tone which indicates this is an absolute and can not be argued with. We then proceeded to have a brief exchange that consisted entirely of non-verbal communication. The gist of it was this:

Me: *crossed arms and shifty eyes* Translation: Yeah whatever, it could totally be like 5 or 6 other things that went through my head.

Mom: *deep sigh* Translation: Ugh I've annoyed her again though I have no idea how. But I'm totally absolutely and without any possible dispute correct in what I've said. Maybe I should launch into an explanation of why I'm correct about how crappily (Yes this is a real word, it is a verb which means "to care for oneself in a crappy manner.) she takes care of herself.

Me: *shakes my head and nods at the same time towards the tube of Lysine* Translation: Never mind you're right about everything let's just carry on and tell me what to do with the stupid tube of Lysine.

Mom: So what you do with the tube of Lysine is....*launches into demonstration*

The End.

Mom and I have many things in common, but some things we're just polar opposites on. There's something about how we're wired to think, that is just completely contradictory. And I think at least one huge aspect of our differences can be summed up this way: Possibly vs. Definitely.

I am much more comfortable in the land of shades of grey and colors than I am in the land of black and white. When she said my system could be out of whack I immediately thought of a variety of additional reasons and filed my system being out of whack in among the possible candidates. And bristled at my mother's certainty that this one and only cause was the definite culprit.

Is this to say I never see things as she does? Or never believe in something absolutely? No of course not. But it should be a testament to how deeply I believe something that I believe in it definitely.

So what about you guys? How do you prefer to see the world? In possibilities or in definitives?

*Footnote: I am not a mind reader and I feel compelled to point out I can only vouch for my portion of the non-verbal conversation. My translation is based on 30 years of experience knowing her but could be flawed nonetheless.

Hemoglobin 212

This probably won't be very easy to read. I know writing it won't likely be. I promise to follow up soon with something more light-hearted!

As most of you who know me well are aware I've had a couple health issues over the last few years. Most recently anxiety issues and I was diagnosed with a panic disorder. Before that I got Bell's Palsy, from which I've recovered somewhat. Most people say I look like I did before, but I know I'm still not the same.

Anyway when I was in the hospital they'd done a lot of tests and in the end the neurologist said there wasn't any reason they could find for my condition. Without doing far more extensive (read: expensive) testing, the best she explanation she could give was that this was a result of stress.

Which brings us to the real topic of this blog entry. We all have stress in one way or another. But I would say most of us likely have a particular stressor that when we experience it, something just kind of snaps within us. I believe I've discovered mine.

While you all know I've gotten sick, most of you don't know what happened shortly before the outbreak of my symptoms.

Only a couple days before I felt the first few twitches in my face that precipitated it breaking down completely, I had to physically get between my daughter and my husband. She'd done something that made him mad, and I saw him chase her down and knew instantly if I didn't intervene it'd be bad. I'm not going to go more into what happened, because, well, I don't want to. The rational part of my brain also feels compelled to point out that the timing of events does not necessarily prove that this incident is directly responsible for the problems I would have later, but c'mon, I'm sure it didn't exactly help things.

Fast forward a couple years later and I'm coming home from the beach with friends. We're getting into our car and overhear a father screaming aggressively at his child in the back seat. The Mom sits there seemingly coolly while I'm eyeing the situation. My heart is pounding and adrenaline is going through my system. I've never felt like the fight or flight expression is more accurate. I either needed to get out of the situation immediately, or I need to go protect the kid. Protecting the kid won't really help anything however since in reality I'm powerless. So driving away is my only option. I hate that I can still hear that kid's voice begging his daddy not to hit him.

The most recent incident is kind of what cements the idea in my mind that this is a pattern for me.

Last Saturday I went out to eat with friends. We were sitting outside the restaurant, it was just us and some other family.* All of a sudden the mom pulls her little boy, around my son's age, away from the table and shoves him  face first into the wall of the restaurant. She beings aggressively telling him something, at this point my ears are ringing and I'm just getting snippets of what she's saying. She leaves him there and goes back to the table. He starts sobbing and she tells him he can rejoin them when he decides to act "like a human." Right because crying over your face getting shoved into a wall by your own mother, is totally in-human. Again fight of flight. This time I couldn't get away. Nor could I fight no matter how much I wanted to smack this woman in the face.

I don't know if it's what's happening that's so deeply disturbing, or is it the powerlessness I feel?

I also want to provide the disclaimer that I know I'm not the parent of the year. Part of why I think these situations get to me the way they do is that I understand what it's like to reach those levels of frustration with your child. So while I now trust myself not to go too far, I know how easy it is to snap and push that line.

I need to stop now because getting this far was pretty unsettling, but if you've made it to the end with me, again you deserve cookies.

But I leave you with these questions: How do you handle situations that make your blood boil? Are there ever ways you can choose to fight and have it end constructively? What if you're in a situation where neither option is available to you? How do you cope without it reducing you to a totally panicked state?



*With the exception of my husband I don't know personally any of the people mentioned in his entry. They were all strangers to me.

What I've Been Up To

So lately every time I've tried to sit and write, I'm unhappy with the result or become too distracted to make much progress. I regret not updating my blog further, or the kids blog, or working on what writing assignments I have. A thousand apologies to anyone who has been waiting on me.

Some of it has been the season and general business. Some of it has been certain personal issues weighing on my mind and preventing me from relaxing enough to be able to write. And some of it has been a new way I've discovered to distract myself from the aforementioned personal issues.

A few months ago I was invited to a knitting party. I hadn't tried knitting since I was a kid, but I like arts and crafts so I thought I'd give it a try. I didn't expect to be quite as addicted to it as I've become. I enjoy it because within a reasonable period of time there is usually a final product so I achieve a sense of accomplishment. And it's particularly relaxing I think because, depending on the complexity of the pattern, I can usually relax my brain from whatever jumbled mess is tumbling about inside of it and just focus on the repetitive task my hands are carrying out. I am able to simply disengage from whatever is going on, and still feel like I'm doing something!

Ian wearing the first scarf I made

Since I started I've made scarfs which are probably the most basic thing since it's basically one large rectangle. But I've also learned to make arm warmers, hats, and even these cute baby booties which I made for my cousin's new baby.

             
So anyway, that's just one of the things I've been up to lately. Hopefully though I'll get to do some writing this weekend since I finally have some time to myself to just sit still and do nothing. ^_^

What Feeds Our Dreams

Every night we all hopefully enter into rem sleep at which point we dream. Most of these dreams we will never remember unfortunately, but once in a while one will stick with us. Most of the time the dreams I remember are random. Occasionally they'll be nightmarish, usually they are just odd, and even rarer are the dreams in which I become aware I am dreaming and actively begin to take control. As of this morning however, my last three dreams have all come directly from things which had been on my mind recently. So I thought for the fun of it I'd share. I'll start with this morning's and work my way back.

My friend Amber is very good at playing with Photoshop and making it appear as if you've had your picture taken with various celebrities. A few days ago on her blog she posted that she was taking requests from her readers and asked that we post the names of people that we'd like our picture with. I'm sure it's no surprise to my readers that I suggested one of my favorite Korean actors, Lee Min Ho. Well last night I had a dream where I met him in some sort of coffee shop. My memory has faded quite a bit but I know I was with a friend who spoke fluent Korean, and I was trying to talk to him. Even though nothing really happened any dream where I get to cozy up with him is bound to be a pleasant one.

More dreams with you please?

The time before that, a friend of mine with a new month old baby had been posting pictures of herself and the baby after the meeting, and been talking about how they're packing for a move. I'd been feeling a little sad that I'm not really in that congregation anymore so it's more challenging to make it over to see them at the meetings, and it's more difficult for me to offer to help with things. So sometime last week I dreamed that I'd gone to the airport to pick up friends and on our way back out to the car, I passed this family with their new baby waiting in a line for boarding. I got to hold her, and talk with my friend and it was really nice. 

This last one is not quite so warm and fuzzy, I see it as being directly associated with my anxiety. A couple of weeks ago I was at a wedding. It was beautiful and I had a lovely time, but my anxiety flared up quite badly when it came time to go through the receiving line. I'm not really sure why, all I know is by the end when I reached the bride and groom instead of offering hugs and congratulations like I'd wanted to, my mind just kind of choked and I wanted to run away. >_< Part of it may be social anxiety coupled with the fact that I hadn't really eaten for most of the day. But anyway, while the rational part of me thinks it's entirely likely no one really cared or noticed that I acted strangely, the other part that suffers from the anxiety kept worrying about it. And so I had a dream that I had approached the bride sometime later, planning to apologize for my awkwardness and before I could say anything she started getting really mad at me about something that in the dream I knew I'd done, but in real life had never happened. Again I highly doubt anyone is mad at me about anything, but it's become a function of my thinking over the years, whenever I do something like that it gets blown out of proportion in my mind. This time it leaked over into my dreams as well.

So what do you guys think? What feeds our dreams? Any thoughts or dreams you'd like to share? 

Intro to Gaming - Kindergarten Style

Most of you that know me well know I'm a huge fan of gaming, particularly role-playing games. This is one of my many interests that in time I'd like to involve my children in, however at their ages it's a bit of a challenge to get them involved. Recently however they were given a fairly large collection of Star Wars Galactic Heroes toys (thanks again Nathan!) and I decided this was a great opportunity to introduce them to some of the basics of game-play.

First all the pieces are placed in a large plastic container and we take turns selecting pieces randomly. We play on the floor which is tiled. Each character is able to move at a speed of one tile per turn, except when mounted on a speederbike, then their speed is doubled. Melee characters can attack any enemy characters within the same square as them, characters with blasters can attack up to three squares away. 

 The large black section where the tile has been torn away serves as a 'pit' into which deceased characters are cast. It also serves as 'rough terrain' and can not be crossed.

This guy is one of my favorites of the set!

Once the figures are distributed among the players we take our starting positions and each roll the die once to determine who goes first. Each player gets a move action, and standard or attack action. To resolve an attack the instigator and defender both roll. If the attacker's roll is higher, then it's a hit and the character is placed into the pit. If the defender's roll is higher they succeeded in dodging the attack. 

Initially we began playing with your standard d6's but eventually they were misplaced and Ian came across a set of story-telling dice that a friend had given me. We began to use that, only instead of rolling to see who could roll the higher number, each picture meant a different event would occur when rolled. The eye for instance meant that the attacker missed or had become temporarily blinded. The castle meant that for one turn, one character could not be attacked. The tree and rainbow were tough ones to use. The both ended up meaning that the character attacking missed their target, but the reason was usually because they'd wound up going up a tree or rainbow instead of attacking. This doesn't make a lot of sense, unless maybe there was a tree nearby with a trap that they'd sprung. Hmm maybe I'll use that idea...Anyway it did occur to me by the end of the game it might be cool to use the rainbow to bring back dead characters that had been placed in the pit. The rectangle symbol was used simply to mean that a ranged or melee attack had been successful and the pyramid was used to signify that a force power had been used. Ian imagined in particular a Jedi (or Sith) using the force to raise the earth under their opponent.

While I don't enjoy getting down on the floor to play (it sets off my allergies >_<) I do love the creativity Ian's brought to this and even though these are baby steps, I look forward to continually introducing him to more advanced forms of gaming.

I Know It's Been a While

I was without internet all summer and so I was a little challenged at writing entries and I'm still working on somethings, but I wanted to make a post with just some funny little odds and ends I've found online lately. ^_^ Enjoy!

Tony Stark welcomes Bruce Banner to his lab and then they turn into a pair of teenage girl manga characters. 

*facepalm*

And then I don't normally come across many Anne of Green Gables videos but I did find this one on Tumblr and I thought it was a nice use of the song and employed nice simple editing to tell their story, and this is one of my favorite songs right now. What can I say? I'm a girl. 

I actually love math but I realize I'm a minority and this still amused me. lol

Darn you Mother...if only you'd given me cola as a baby I wouldn't have been NEARLY 

so awkward as a teenager.

Thrilling Interplanetary Heroics

I didn't want the month to go by without updating my blog! About a month or so ago I finally rented the movie John Carter. I'd been initially unimpressed with the trailers and I immediately dismissed it as a poor attempt to copy Avatar. I mean come on, a human winds up on another planet, is taken in by the natives and ends up championing their cause? But then I learned the movie was actually based on the book - A Princess of Mars by Edgar Rice Burroughs who brought us the Tarzan series. After a couple of my friends went and saw it and couldn't stop gushing about how wonderful it was my curiosity was further piqued. I waited until it was available at the local Red-box location and picked up a copy. I would've preferred to also read the book for further points of discussion, but it's on back order at the library and I'm pretty much at the bottom of the list. So for the sake of this article I'll be discussing only the movie and occasionally bring in my opinions of how it compares to similar movies such as Avatar.

The movie opens with a young man discovering that his uncle has unexpectedly died. A lawyer explains to the him that his uncle has left him everything and that all of the funeral arrangements have been carried out and that his uncle's body has been buried in a mysterious vault which can only be opened from the inside. Included in his vast inheritance is his uncle's journal, which contains the entire story of the movie. It is also revealed that the young man is Edgar Rice Burroughs himself. Initially I was irritated by this, as I find it's become cliche and I tend to think of it as film makers attempting to be cute. However when I did get a chance to read an excerpt from the beginning of the book, it is told from the first person perspective of the author. It seems he was trying to give an otherwise completely implausible story an air of authenticity by claiming to have heard it himself directly from the source. 

As Burroughs reads the journal he discovers that while his uncle, John Carter, was prospecting in Arizona after the Civil War, he sought refuge from Apaches in a cave. He is suddenly ambushed by a strange looking man and after a brief struggle his attacker is killed and he looses consciousness himself only to wake up in a completely different land, clutching the man's medallion. It takes him a little while to realize he's on Mars, or Barsoom as it's natives call it. It takes him a while to compensate for Mars slightly lower gravity but with practice he's able to get his bearings and finds he's much stronger and is capable of leaping incredibly high. 

He's soon discovered and captured by the Green Martians known as Tharks. After reading their description in the book I was pleased by how faithfully the movie portrayed them in both appearance and demeanor. Before long Carter also meets the humanoid Red Martians, particularly Dejah Thoris, Princess of Helium. The people of Helium have long been at war with the city of Zodanga. The Zodangans are backed by the Therns, powerful beings who resemble men but possess knowledge and power far beyond that of the men of Earth or Mars. With the help of the Thern, Zodanga has brought Helium to its knees and is offering a peace treaty that hinges on Dejah marrying him. Naturally she does not intend to go through with any such thing and is running away when she meets John Carter. 

When she meets him she observes his supernatural strength and ability and wants him to help save her city from the Zodangans. However he continues to refuse her pleas, claiming that he has no desire to fight for the causes of others. His seemingly calloused attitude we find springs from the loss of his wife and child while he was away fighting in the War. I'm honestly not sure why he changes his mind and eventually agrees. My hypothesis is that his southern gentility eventually kicked in and he couldn't leave a lady in distress, or maybe it's just because she was pretty and persistent. 

This in my opinion tends to be the weak point of many of these type of sci-fi/fantasy adventure movies. The romantic element often feels like it's thrown in just cause, or maybe they do it thinking it will draw in female viewers. Regardless of the reason, John Carter and movies like it have given me the likely erroneous expectation that any handsome stranger I happen go on an adventure with will likely fall in love with me. This situation works for me in instances where there is some plausible development and some sort of under current of attraction that goes beyond "Well we're both pretty and in a precarious situation, so let's go for it!" Avatar for instance in my opinion handled the love story aspect well. Jake and Neytiri started out having a rocky relationship, but he learned a great deal from her and they ended up developing a mutual respect and love. One of my favorite scenes in fact is at the end when she rescues him and they both are together for the first time without him using his avatar body. It's subtle but so well acted. John Carter's romance is unfortunately more contrived feeling and slightly harder to accept especially in light of how haunted he still appears to be by the loss of his family. 

What I do have to give John Carter high marks for however is giving me twists and turns that I did not see coming. Avatar while absolutely amazing at immersing us into the world of Pandora and being completely epic; plot-wise it was very predictable. Many have compared it to Pocahontas in space, I prefer Dances With Wolves in space myself, but either way the point remains that it's not the most original of story lines. However I do give them credit for having a strong moral to their story of the importance of respecting the rights of others, as well as respecting the natural world around us and not taking it for granted. If John Carter had any message behind it, it was totally lost on me. 

I won't go into how it ends for any of you that may wish to see it, but I will say I didn't regret watching it. I'm not sure I'd pay full price for the DVD but if I see it pop up in the bargain bin I'd likely pick it up. I do regret it was such a box-office flop as that makes it less likely they'll make any more in the series. I'd kind of like to see what happens next, but at least I can read the books. 

My Dad

Sorry I haven't been posting as much lately. Since I'm no longer as connected as I usually would be, I will likely write up entries ahead of time, then post them whenever I have access to do so. Today however is a special day and therefore I've made a more concerted effort to get this out in a timely manner. 


June is an important month for me personally, it marks two of the most significant days of my life.  June 13, 1998 was the day I symbolized my dedication in baptism. Fourteen years feels so tiny in comparison with many of the brothers and sisters out there, but it's a decision I'm glad I made, even if it's not been an easy road.

Today's date however marks a much less happy occasion. June 29, 1996 was the day I lost my father. I don't want to make this entry one in which I dwell on that aspect of the past. It was a terrible day, I felt sad and to an extent guilty for a long time. But I've more or less come to peace with what happened and I consider myself blessed first and foremost for the hope of one day seeing him again, and secondly, I feel fortunate that for the most part we were not a family that left things unsaid. My whole life and especially when he became sick he was openly communicative about how much he cared for his family.

I didn't go in to see him once he was gone, I got the to the hospital barely in time to see him in the minutes before he died and while that wasn't the most peaceful memory to end on, one of the brothers suggested that perhaps it was best to remember him alive rather than carry the memory of him deceased. And that's ultimately what I'd like to do in this post.

                                                                                      Mom and Dad on their wedding day

(November 1981)

I did a Google search on him today at the library and found a few interesting hits. One of them was his obituary in the Orlando Sentinel. It simply read:

DAVID J. TINIS, 46...died Saturday, June 29. Mr. Tinis was an electrical engineer for B-E Aerospace. Born in Miami, he moved to Central Florida in 1978. He was a member of Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witnesses Plymouth Congregation. Survivors:wife, Marjorie; sons, Phillip, Houston, Anthony, Lake Mary; daughter, Amber, Sorrento; brother Milton, Mount Dora; one grandchild...

While factually accurate, and a perfectly adequate obituary I couldn't help but feel like it was just barely a starting place to describing his life and what kind of person he was.

Dad was born in Miami to parents of Filipino and Russian-Jewish descent. They'd met, married and become Jehovah's Witnesses shortly before having my father. His father spent much of the year away working, as a professional chef. Dad always sounded like he was a bit of a nightmare child to have to cope with. With her husband away so much I'm given to understand that my Grandmother frequently called the elders over to deal with my dad's antics.

I've no doubt you could probably fill a book with the things my dad used to get up to. Unfortunately I only heard a fraction of the stories and it's been so long since I've heard them I can only remember a bit of those. But to give you an idea they range from something as innocent as being a young boy disrupting an entire meeting (during the Circuit Overseer's talk) by loudly banging the ceiling tiles in the men's room in an effort to see what was up behind them to building his own cannon as a teenager and taking it out to the water to fire it off and scaring boaters into jumping ship.

Dad giving me early computer lessons

(circa 1983)

He also engaged in perfectly 'normal' pursuits such as going to football games to watch the Miami teams play. (Go Dolphins/'Canes!) He was a good artist, an excellent and adventurous cook, he built his own telescope, was actively engaged in his high school activities, as well as playing football himself in games with other young brothers. Those however came to be discouraged when some of the pioneers had to go off the list from injuries sustained during these games.

Dad was also an active preacher of the good news. Those who knew him as a teenager were generally dubious of his future, given his trouble-making streak however by the time of his death he had served as an elder for many years and he died faithfully even under pressure to accept blood transfusions. I am enormously proud of the name he ended up making for himself.

He was a loving and attentive parent, a strict disciplinarian, and someone who deserved and usually managed to gain your respect. He had the ability to know when to be serious and when to be silly, which sounds like it should be fairly straight forward, but it's surprisingly difficult sometimes to find people who know how to balance the two.

Giggle Times with Dad

He took me to my first football game, basketball game, and hockey game. He never excluded me from typically male oriented activities on the basis of me being a girl. As I think of it, there tends to be this idea that if you're a geek you must like a certain niche of interests and not really expand beyond that. If you're a sports fan you're probably not brainy enough or interested enough to bother with anything a bit more on the intellectual side. And whether he intended to or not, I think my Dad taught me none of those types of boundaries should matter. As long as it doesn't go against Jehovah's principles love anything you want in any combination you want.

I really feel like I owe the best parts of myself to him. And I look forward to the day when I can see him again.

General Stuff

Okay so there's a few relatively exciting things going on around here.  The first and biggest being, we're in the works to get a new drain field! Yay! To those of you blessed to be on city water and who don't understand what that means let me give you a basic run-down. In the country, every thing that gets flushed or goes down the drain goes into a tank buried in the yard or something called the drain field. If all's going well anything solid should go to the tank where it can accumulate and eventually be pumped out and the liquids should end up in the drain field where they get dispersed into the ground. When your drain field goes however, everything ends up in the tank and you go from needing pump outs every three or more years to needing them every three months. Especially now that there's four people in the house instead of just my mom we've been doing all kinds of things to mind how much water goes down the drain. We collect and throw out water we use for dishes, and occasionally even our bath water. >_< It's not fun. And I'm SO happy it's getting fixed finally. We may end up being displaced for a day or two while they work on it, but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. I wanted to post some before pictures though because they will have to rip up almost everything in our front yard and take down part of our fence. So I wanted to post some before pictures.

I've also decided to try to make a project of working on the backyard. Mom's back problems have ended up meaning she's let a lot of go over the years and while nature is great, we have a fairly large back yard and I'm pretty unhappy with how nature has taken it over. So here's the before pictures of what I have to work with. If anyone has any ideas for what I can do with the space I'm open to them. I'd like to do some raised bed planters, and Mom threw out the idea of a play set for the kids which I really like the idea of as well. But we'll see! 

Yeah that last one is a little scary. >_<

And then lastly there's still fence damage done by one of the hurricanes and one day I'd like to look into how much it'd cost to repair it.

Also for those of you who haven't seen it already, I actually started a blog for the children. I wanted to keep sharing what they write and I wanted to have a place where it could be stored and hopefully not lost, so I decided a blog would be great and I didn't want to overwhelm mine with their stuff, but here's the link to it in case you're interested in following them: 

http://thingsworthremembering.wordpress.com/2012/05/11/things-worth-remembering-10/

And now I just leave you all with a few funnies I've encountered over the last few days:

Great Expectations

This has been a week where I feel I've been bombarded by the concept of expectations. It happened to be a central theme of this month's local needs part in our congregation, as well as it being at the core of this week's lesson in the fighting anxiety program I'm using. It's been one of the most challenging lessons thus far for me to deal with because of how conflicted it makes me feel. On the one hand I recognize that it's something that's plagued me and held me back for most of my life, and on the other hand I feel like some are worth clinging to and I can not mentally back down from them. For those of you that are able to get through what I'm about to write, I really am interested in hearing your thoughts on this topic. For those are you that choose to opt out, I don't blame you.

The first page of this week's lesson contained a list of objectives, among them were some points I agreed with and some that I'm having trouble reconciling with my primary mode of thinking as one of Jehovah's Witnesses. The main one being the goal "to recognize that our attitude, beliefs, and mis-beliefs are responsible for much of our stress, anxiety and depression." I understand that it's important to try to face the world with realistic expectations. Life won't be fair. Not everyone is going to want to be friends with you or will even like you. People will disappoint you. But I really don't like what I'm being told there. The most recent example I could see of this in my life was the break-up of my marriage. Based on my expectations as one of Jehovah's Witnesses, my mate should not lie to me, my mate should not fool around with someone else, etc. And yet that and so much more is exactly what happened. So the stress, the anxiety, the depression that resulted from that is from what, my unrealistic expectations? I'm simply adopting a victim mentality and I'm wrong for thinking this is not how it should be?

People will disappoint you, it's a fact I completely and totally mentally accept. But when someone completely and utterly blows it, I'm left sitting there clinging to my belief of what they should have done and feeling like I'm not wrong at all for having my expectations. It's as if the two ideas can't co-exist. But, I guess that's where forgiveness comes in. That's one of Jehovah's expectations of us too. It's the only way I can imagine being able to reach acceptance of both the fact that people will disappoint and that people have standards to live up to that they should be able to follow.

Or perhaps it's true that our beliefs sometimes are the cause of our anxiety or depression, but it doesn't mean those beliefs are wrong. I think sometimes as humans we tend to take something and run with it. Jehovah has the expectation of us that we give him our best. That's not an unrealistic thing for Him to ask of us. But everyone's personal best is different. Someone could very easy take that basic belief, of us having to give Jehovah our best ,and then build unrealistic expectations for themselves around that belief. Attainable goals are one thing, but it would be completely unrealistic for someone in my position, a single mother of two to create the expectation that my best should be going to Bethel, or my best should be serving where the need is greater in another state or another country, or I should be pioneering.

That brings me to another aspect of the topic, at least in my case I think only a small fraction of my problems with anxiety come from my expectations of others. I would say the much larger issue is my expectations of myself, and dealing with the question of what will other people think? I can trace this type of behavior and thinking all the way back to when I was a very small child. I commented recently on another friend's blog about how when I was very small I used to want to design my own board games but I would often get frustrated and give up because I couldn't make it perfect. I also remember wanting to write as a child and young teen, but I was most attracted to writing either science fiction or something historical in a medieval setting. And every time I would even try I would get overwhelmed by all the little things I didn't know, that I expected I should know in order to write it well, or accurately. It seemed like the people who wrote the best stories had been highly educated or had done extensive research that was just beyond my patience to do, and unless I could match that level it would never be any good, so I abandoned almost every idea that came along until I just stopped generating them.Thankfully I've found other creative outlets over the years, and it gives me great joy to aid my children with their creativity. It's my hope that if I can continually encourage them they will continue to exercise their imagination and have healthy directions to channel it.

The opinions of others has mostly been a stressor in my parenting and my spiritual activity. Again unreasonable expectations of myself rears its ugly head. For years now I've been telling myself that I was raised around the truth, I've been baptized __ number of years and I should be at a certain level that I'm just not at. I feel like if I give a comment that's just a simple, answer the question type of comment, in the minds of others they'll hear it and think I'm strange or behind where I should be. I love working in service when I can go to a door by myself, because I'm far more nervous about my partner hearing me make some sort of mistake or not be very good than I am of the householder. And to compound it I know that sort of thinking is unreasonable and people would just be happy I'm doing what I can, but it's like I can't make myself move past it. But I'm hopeful I can work past it.

I've definitely made some progress on the parenting front. There was a period of a few years where every time I would catch someone giving me or my kids a look, especially if they were acting up, I'd take it very personally. I immediately thought it was them thinking critically of me or them. Sometimes it would even prompt me to discipline or punish them just to show the person I was doing something. Which would then make me feel guilty because why on earth should I parent based on the expectations, or perceived expectations of another person? I'm slowly but surely coming around to the point of view that what other people think, doesn't really matter. I need to do what's right for my children and myself as long as it's within line with Jehovah and his principles. I shouldn't compare myself to my parents. I'm not them, and my children aren't me. If someone wants to turn around and glare at me because my kid is making a little more noise than they'd like, I'm now entirely likely to glare right back at them until they turn back around. Don't think know staring is rude?

So anyway, these are basically all of my thoughts on the subject of expectations. They're still slightly jumbled and they're something I struggle with, sorting what's realistic and healthy and what's not. But I think this helped. Any of you that waded through this mess, please let me know who you are, and next time we meet I owe you cookies. Seriously.

Prompt Me

So I have a bigger more serious post coming up but I thought I'd throw this one out there first. Lately I've been finding myself doing a lot more writing in my free time. Most of it has revolved around how I'm feeling, and trying to think through what's going on with my anxiety issues, but I've also found myself wanting to write just for fun. I've written a couple of pages about my current RPG character, but I'm a little frustrated with it, mostly because I think I spend too much of the time in her head and what she's thinking rather than having her DO stuff or interact with others. I think my hang-up is I don't feel like the other characters belong to me so I'm reluctant to have them say or do anything. lol

But anyway I remember when I was back in school I often did well with writing assignments I received from my teachers, so I thought maybe it'd be fun to fulfill some prompts. If any of you have any ideas I'd greatly appreciate it if you shared!

Preschool Storytelling Cont'd...

...and now the continuation...

So Kittynail said, "We're going to make Twister man. He winds everything around town. He was spinning all the houses around until he threw them into a volcano."

Stingraysharp said, "I'm going to cut all the sea creatures for their DNA."

Mousecutter said, "I'm going to get all of my rats to bite all the people and then get their DNA in their mouths, then they spit out all the DNA to make Sharkman!" He could become big or small, with big eyes and big legs and sharp teeth and he could do two things of hour. 

So then Kittynail created this monster. It looked like a shark and a beetle because it was round and white. And he made a whole army of those two monsters. And they charged into battle and Kittynail said, "We're going to use our biggest gooey monster and all our weapons!" 

Then gooey monster said, "I'm going to spray out all my goo on the men!" The slave army was about to die. But their was a knight. He didn't get killed because he had armor. And the goo bounced off the metal and hit the bad man. The knight went back to his palace and said, "We're going to build a big wall like the great wall of China," and they painted it like a giraffe and said the magic words.

And the royal dog discovered a man who was really a monster in disguise. But he caught the royal dog and the knight tried to stop him. The monsters hands could turn into any weapon, so it used its gun hands to shoot at the knight. But it didn't go through because of his armor and it went back at the monsters gun hands. So the knight took the royal dog and game it some royal chicken dog food.

Kittynail and Stingraysharp said, "We're going to flood the Upworld Skyworld where Thor lives. We'll capture Thor and put him in a kitty dungeon to take his hammer!" There's lots of kitty scratching there to scratch his armor off, so they made Thor his slave and took his DNA. Then Kittynail got bad DNA from his kitty chamber, where all the bad DNA was, and threw it into the lava with Thor's skeleton, and eyeballs, and he became Lava man with lava eyes.

(to be continued...)

So wow...Thor taken down by Kittynail and his minions. Some heavy stuff there. lol

Preschool Storytelling

So Ian has been dictating a story to me all day that I thought I would share with you. I keep asking him if he's almost done and he keeps saying no, so I'm putting a stop to it for the night, but I wanted to type up what we have so far. So I present to you:

The Kittycoppers, The Police, And The Superhero Called Megapoo

By Ian Reed

Once upon a time there was Mousecutter and Stingraysharp. His boss was named Kittynail. His nails could stretch to 140 pounds in a row. And then they had to fight a competition. So Kittynail sent his couplers to win the competition. And then he got the magic potion as a prize inside a magic box. 

And then he used a laser and made him into Antman. Then one time he made a robot and used it to capture a wild, big, shark fish to make into one of their couplers. And Kittynail said, "I need all the creatures I like, reptiles with sharp teeth, and send them to my lab."

They wanted to put the robot mask on the reptiles to make a shark. Then Kittynail sent another coupler, called Stingraysharp to cut the grass short to mix all the animals.

So Kittynail said, "We're going to travel in this huge, flying, mechanical box to see this famous alligator who swam around catching everything it could find. It even jumped on land and catched a grasshopper. I want to catch a grasshopper and make it into one of us. And I want to catch the famous alligator too, and mix it together- half grasshopper and half alligator." 

So they caught all the animals on sea and land to make a huge monster. It was going well but then they fell in the water so they started looking in the sea for animals. Then they went out.

Kittynail said, "Let's swim and find the golden reptile, made of gold, and it can go on land, even in dirt, and it can go 13,16,17 miles of hour." 

Stingraysharp said, "I'm going to cut all the plants we're going to eat." And then he turned into a stingray and then back into himself. He can cut with his fins and turn into anything in the sea. So he cut until he found a magic box, full of magic diamonds, and gold, and magic potions that would make him strong. Kittynail wanted some too and Mousecutter. Stingraysharp gave some of the potions and diamonds, but he made more potions and said, "Let's take all the water around the city."

Kittynail said, "Let's go so we can swim in the deep blue sea!" So he sent one of his couplers to find a magic gun from a sea man who was really a sea monster.

The gun was called Gapperairy, so the monster turned into a shark and left his cave to look for his gun. It shot out water with magic stuff in it. So the sea monster sent one of his goblin monsters to catch other monsters.

Kittynail said, "Let's use all our couplers we made to make an army to attack the sea monster."

And the sea monster said, "I will use my slave army to battle Kittynail and all his couplers to get all the stuff!"

And they said, "Charge!"

And they fought with guns, swords, and electric reptiles that are in the sea and stings, a sea snake! And it turned into a snake sword!

(To be continued...)

So that's all we have for now. I personally am eager to see how the battle turns out and I'm really curious how Megapoo will factor into all this.